Mastermind

The fear of noise 對噪音的恐懼

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I wonder what is so wrong with myself sometimes, especially since the upstairs neighbour whose flat is above mine started having repairing work. Each time got woken up by the noise of the electrical drill in the morning, the second that the noise hit me was more like a heart attack; the whole of me literally jumped out and lost my heart. It was that bad for me, when repairing work is such normal daily deal in the whole city.

特別是在我樓上的公寓的鄰居開始了裝修工程,有時我不知道自己有什麼問題。 每天早上,電鑽的聲音都會吵醒我,噪音開始的那秒中就足夠讓我感到像心臟病發作; 整個人都要由身體真的跳出來似的,像失去了我的心。 我的反應竟然這樣,但明明裝修工程是整個城市日常交易,這樣的正常。

 

The weirdest and scariest thing about my fear of electrical drill is that once I heard it and developed an immediate headache, I started to apologise. I didn’t do anything wrong and I knew and I know that as I am talking right now, but only that I just could not help but to apologise hoping the drill would spare me.

我對電鑽的恐懼最奇怪和最可怕的感覺是,一旦我聽到就立即頭疼,但我會開始道歉。 我沒有做任何錯誤的事,我以前知道,我現在也知道,只是,我就是不能不道歉,希望電鑽會放過我。

 

I wonder if others have some kind of fear to noises like me. Would an electrical drill cause your heart not just pounding but to be dragged out in a sense that it was taken, and then you naturally keep apologising to the fact that there is a noise that frighten you? I don’t understand why I feel this way; is it an anxiety problem only? I really don’t know.

我不知道別人是否也有像我這樣的噪音恐懼。 電鑽會使你的心臟不僅僅是撲撲大跳,而是心臟都被拖出去,然後你自然地道歉,就因為你有一個噪音嚇唬你的事存在? 我不明白為什麼我這樣子; 這是一個焦慮問題嗎? 我真的不知道。

 

I have not had a good night sleep since last Thursday because that was when my neighbour upstairs started their drilling work. I dreamt that my parents divorced, my family ran out of all our money, the person I hate the most successfully persuaded all the people that I trust and love to lie to me and send me off to an island, and left me there, with no ferries to return to the mainland of the city. Countless nightmares, I also have the fear to the electrical drill before I close my eyes for bed knowing that the morning time comes will be the time the cycle begins again. I feel a very bad headache right now too. Everyday, I cannot stay home but to go out till evening time as drilling work would have to be stopped at the designated time in the evening. The worst was when I even had a few drops of tears running down due to the noise. I hate myself behaving like this.distressed-teenage-girl

自從上週四以來,我沒能好好睡覺,因為當時我在樓上的鄰居已經開始了電鑽的工作。 我夢見我的父母離婚了,我家全部的錢用盡了,我最討厭的人成功地說服了我所信賴和愛的所有人都對我說謊,把我送到一個島上,離開了我,放我在那裡,我也沒有渡輪回到城市的大陸。 無數的惡夢之外,恐懼的電鑽,我閉上眼睛睡覺也會害怕;知道早上的時間到了,這個電鑽的週期將再次開始。 我現在也覺得很頭疼。 每天,我不能呆在家裡,但要到黃昏才能回家去,因為工程必須在黃昏的指定時間停止。最糟糕的是,由於噪音,我甚至有次幾滴眼淚都流下來了。 我討厭這樣的自己。

 

I guess I just should be glad that before I go back to the UK, I will get this one more chance to see the psychiatrist the day before I fly. I want to find out why I naturally keep saying ‘sorry’, and ‘I am wrong’ to the drilling sounds. Other than that, thankfully life is OK.

我想我應該起碼高興在回到英國之前,我會在飛行前一天再看到精神科醫生。 我想知道為什麼聽到電鑽聲,我會自然地說「抱歉」,「我錯了」。 除此之外,幸好生活還可以。

❤ Lala

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