Same; Different 相同。不同。



By Guest Author, Starry (Chinese to English translation by Lala) 

By: 嘉賓作者, Starry (中文翻譯至英語 by Lala)

*on romantic love / 愛情


Some say, a person should date someone who is different from herself to ‘fill in the gaps’, i.e. strengths and weaknesses; this shall apply to people where one out of the two has a personality that is rather ‘tough’ in particular, because otherwise, they will clash against each other, and then get stuck together in pain. Some others also say, when 2 persons of varied types of different personality traits  get put together may bring about agony, especially if the two are heading for a long term commitment up to the stage of marriage; too many differences create troubles, because marriages represent having a common affair between two families.



So, is it better to be same or to be different?



Contradiction in fact can be caused by both similarity and differentiation in terms of personality. If two persons who are in a relationship are both strong holders, sticking to their own values and rules uptight, and yet their values and rules aren’t the same, for sure, they would experience tons of contradictory matters. Like this, it may be that only where one whose personality is not as strong (different) than the other that between the two, their relationship will work out instead.




As you know, things in life just aren’t that simple. Even those whose values, personality and the way to deal with things are the same, they don’t necessarily comprehend each other whey they are in a relationship. In contrast, those who are different when coming together may understand each other, just like how each member of a same family usually bears a particular personal trait which differs from the rest in the family, and yet, some of them find their ways that enable them to live with the other members in harmony under the same roof.



Perhaps we will agree that however different things are,  when two persons come together, at the least they should have something in common. Each person in a couple may hold tight to things that are so different from the other one. So I have a friend, who places great emphasis and attention to his other half in terms of her appearance and gesture, as well as her words and deeds, and even would try to test her manner in advance. Me and my friends used to think that his behaviour means that he dose not love the other one / or not love the other one to a sufficient degree.Yet, recently I have a brand new thought to this matter. For him, this may be what he thinks as the thing in common that has no exception to be altered. Well, this is his choice after all. Like each of us has something that we want to insist on, should it be moral value, manner, the love for kids, or family background. If so, on what grounds am I to judge the others? This may be why many outsiders express that one shall not comment on the what goes on in the relationships of the others.

或許我們也會認同,無論其他東西多麽不同,兩個人在一起,總需要有某一些事情是相同的。而每一個人在這一方面執著的東西也可能很不同。我有一個朋友,非常執著另一半的儀表和言行,並在跟對方一起前會先測試對方的禮儀。我和我的朋友曾經也覺得他可這樣的行為是表示了他其實是不愛/未夠愛對方。但是,我最近有不一樣的領悟。這個可能就是他覺得一定要相同的地方吧!這個是他的選擇。正如我們每一個人也有選擇堅持要相同的地方,或許是價值觀,或許是要有禮貌,或許是要喜歡小孩子,或許是家庭背景。這樣的話,我又憑什麽質疑其他人呢? 這個或許就是很多人說外人不應該評論其他人的感情的原因吧。


What are your thoughts then?



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