As I mentioned in ‘About’, ‘Masterpiece’ is going to cover books, people, and music that I like, and this time I’m gonna talk about Law Lan, the 1934 born Hong Kong actress, then a lady named Joanne.
Helena Law Lan 羅蘭
I know I am being so out-dated as a 90s born talking about someone who is in another far-away generation, but by chance, reading an article talking about her life, it makes me reflect on how should I see myself as a ‘not-so-up-to-standard’ Christian, or just to see myself as a depression patient. (Of course, I like her cheerful character!)
I see being a Christian being a pressure – as a Christian I should be joyful (but I have depression), keen on going to church to stay tight to Christian communities (I can recall many past unpleasant experiences at church, and my closest loved ones are non-Christians), sociable (I enjoy chilling at home more), polite (I admit that I swear) etc.
我覺得做一個基督徒是壓力 – 作為一個基督徒，我應該是快樂的（但我有抑鬱症），熱衷於去教堂並與基督教群體多多交流（我想起一些過去在教會的不愉快經歷，而我最親密的人都是非基督徒），熱愛社交（我實際上比較享受在家裡），有禮貌（我承認我爛口）等等。
Then I learnt that Law Lan, who is in fact Catholic, is however famous for her role as sorceress! I remember something I heard from a church that I went to before, saying that us Christians should not even go for a night out on Halloween, as doing so, we are indirectly supporting the ‘dark side’. So how could she even act as a sorceress, and also advertised for Ocean Park’s Halloween Festival?
I think I have an answer to this now. I have learnt that it all goes down to our heart, God knows whether I love Him or not. Most importantly, God loves everyone, including Christians. Non-Christians also know how to love.
This is a lady that I came across through watching a brief video about her (see the link attached). She used to be a guy, she is a Christian and she used to judge herself a lot too. Eventually she is a transgender (I am not going to comment on her political stance). I can relate to her when she says that without God, she will no longer be on this Earth, and the fact that she says religious faith did give her pressure above all, and she questioned herself what is it that she did that was so wrong and how to stop sinning (making mistakes).
The first time in my life when I considered suicide, I was 12. I lied on a bed, I don’t truly know about God(I was not brought up in a Christian family), I was so down so I prayed and asked God if He would take me away from this Earth. I know for the last 11 years, very negative thoughts did come up from time to time, and I again sought to pray to God, knowing that even I trust no humans, I can trust God. Without Him, I will no longer be on this Earth, may have left this Earth when I was 12. I like having faith in God, yet I feel so pressurised to be a Christian as I will be bound to behave in a certain way, morally speaking I suppose. I asked God, what is it that I did that was so wrong so He punished me to have depression and how can I stop sinning.
It turns out that, in the end, I am just a human, who cannot explain why depression came to me, at a particular time. If you happen to have an interest about Christianity, you can check out the verse below.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. Ecc 3:11
神造萬物，各按其時成為美好，又將永生安置在世人心裡，然而神從始至終的作為，人不能參透。 傳道書 3:11